Food insecurity does not only affect your physical wellbeing but also your mental wellbeing, as I realized going through this challenge has a huge affect on my social life and overall state of happiness.
One common thing that students with food insecurity face is stigma and the fear of having people know about their food insecurity. I didn’t understand this until I started getting embarrassed myself. In class one day, a classmate gave my teacher a box of donuts in which she gave to me. This wouldn’t be an issue if it was after class, but as everyone took their seats and stared at her, she looked at me and handed me the box of donuts with every student looking at me jealousy as she stated along the lines, “You need this more than I do.” I took the donuts and awkwardly sat back down as no one understood why I got them and they didn’t. I wanted to hide under my desk when the person sitting next to me eyed the donuts. I gave him one, but soon everyone was looking at me, or so it felt. In the course of this challenge, I had numerous friends ask me to hang out, with one friend asking me to join her for a birthday dinner. I had to say no. I felt so embarrassed and guilty when I watched her reply with such disappointment, “Ok…” I couldn’t tell her why, making up an excuse that I had newspaper stuff I had to do. With my friends who do know about this challenge, every time they want to go out to eat they offer to pay. I feel guilty every time and I try to order the cheapest thing on the menu. I even denied time to go and study with my friends or hang out at their houses as I needed to go grocery shopping, go to the campus cupboard, and cook my meals in my free time. I felt sad when my friend reminisced about the times we sat in the Chinese Buffet for hours or would catch up over a bowl of pho. She said, “Let’s go!”. I had to tell her no. She didn’t understand, and I had to explain. I haven’t really heard from her in awhile. I even felt embarrassed when I was at the campus kitchen, and Karen Anderson, the sweetest lady I’ve ever met, packed me a whole bag’s worth of food from the kitchen. I felt guilty as I know it was food that could help someone else. It almost felt like I was stealing from them as I’m not actually in need. It even affects my relationship with my girlfriend as we lay in bed talking about how that mediterranean restaurant in town sounds so good right now, researching recipes on how to make hummus as we sighed at how expensive the ingredients are. I just want to take her out for a nice dinner, but I can’t. She wanted to go on a double date with her friend, but when they suggested dinner and a movie, we had to think of an excuse of why we couldn’t go as going out for food is common on dates, and it was something she couldn’t afford and I couldn’t do. All of a sudden, I wanted no one to know I was doing this challenge. I didn’t want anyone to question me, or stop hanging out with me because they don’t know what to do that doesn’t involve food or pay for me, I didn’t want any kind of pity. I just want my social life to be back to normal, but with food insecurity - there are restraints you can’t escape from.
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I made the biggest mistake of my life. I signed up for an all semester long aerobic conditioning class.
Exercising is extremely tiring for me, especially going through this challenge. The class begins at 9 a.m. and the teacher is ruthless. It doesn’t matter if you’re double chin jiggles with your belly when you run. It doesn’t matter that you look like you’re gonna die if you continue on - you have to keep moving. In my first class we had to run for 30 minutes straight and record how many laps we could do. I ran about 14 laps, equivalent to three and a half miles. The next weeks saw us doing HIIT exercising, running up and down a mile long hill, and various cardio and ab workout routines. I usually don’t have time to make breakfast in the morning as I prefer the beauty of sleeping. Every class I’m not only tired but fatigued and weak. I don’t eat much for dinner and usually feel like I’m starving when I wake up. The first week of my challenge, I tasted blood in my mouth when we did our exercises. I felt tired in class. I was unable to replenish and nourish my body after the class. The teacher encouraged us to eat a protein filled snack, but I couldn’t do that. My body ached so bad, I walked like I sprained my ankle and winced when I had to walk up or down the stairs. In classes, I would have to minimize my exercise. I began to walk during our laps. My teacher specifically told us not to, but I needed to. She gave me the look of a teacher to a student they think is slacking off. To one’s eye, I’m not fat. Even though I’m not necessarily fit, I definitely look like someone who could run a few laps without getting tired. I couldn’t even run a full lap without needing to walk. After exercising every class, I began to feel more hungry as my stomach rumbled. I was breaking down my body without being able to rebuild it. How am I going to survive this exercise class? I didn’t know I needed it that bad. For the first time, I admit, I am a pop addict. I ran laps during my exercise class and I couldn’t help but think, how refreshing a good Sprite would feel right now. I sat in my communications class with my homemade puppy chow I made with my girlfriend, and I couldn’t help but think how much better it would taste if I had a Dr. Pepper. I ate my leftover pasta and thought how amazing it would be to cleanse my palate and glug an orange soda. I sat awake late at night writing articles for my local campus newspaper thinking how much a Mtn. Dew would help to keep me awake.
I sat in my car after a long Tuesday, and vented to my girlfriend for hours on how much I wanted pop. She thinks I’m an addict. I ask why. “You literally can’t focus on anything else.” I didn’t think I could go on with my day without a sip of pop. I wanted it, no, I needed it and I would do whatever for it. Even quit the challenge. My girlfriend says I’m crazy and she would be disappointed in me if I did that. I still contemplated it though. I sat in my car as I shook my leg with anxiety. I want pop. I felt my heart pump. I couldn’t leave the car. I was going to stay in the car until my girlfriend hung up the phone and drive to the nearest gas station to buy my desired treasures. She refused to hang up and wanted to stay on the phone despite her falling asleep. Alas, I got cold, and realized there’s nothing I can do about my craving. I didn’t realize I was an addict until I went to my weekly grocery shopping. I was buying things to feed myself for the upcoming week. I went through all the aisles I needed to and picked out ingredients for meals I could make. I was walking towards the back of the store to get milk, when I passed the pop aisle. I needed pop. I looked at the spaghetti ingredients in my cart and contemplated whether I should swap it out for a 6-pack bottled Fanta. It was the same cost as the spaghetti ingredients. I chose the Fanta. I didn’t realize I was an addict until I went through the middle of the week, when I realized there was nothing in my fridge except leftover milk, yogurt, eggs, and of course Fanta. What did I do to myself? Was I really that addicted to pop? Did I really risk a day’s worth of meals for myself? I opened a bottle and chugged it. I was still hungry. Suddenly I didn’t want pop anymore. I have a friend who was at almost every event that served free food. I didn’t understand and saw him to be a cheapskate and typical college student only attending events for a slice of pizza and scouring the university for any food he could find. I didn’t understand him, until suddenly I was him.
I set my alarm early to go to the open kitchen that the Multicultural Center was serving that day. I waited first in line and was awarded with a Mexican dish as I loaded my tostada with onions, tomatoes, salsa, and guac. I headed to the Women’s Center who served more chips and dip as I loaded my plate with nacho cheese sauce. I went to the LGBT Center to get a dessert, as I attempted to carry another plate loaded with brownies. It saved my day as for once I wasn’t hungry during my noon class. I ate my food with joy, marking my calendar for the next one. I jumped for joy when I walked the halls of the Centennial Student Union as an event that just finished had free food and the workers of the CSU was offering it to whoever was around. I was able to eat pasta, potatoes and bread. I would say that it saved my day, as I knew I spent most of my money on ingredients for a meal for me and my girlfriend and left barely any money for groceries for myself. I stayed late in the CSU and got lucky when after an event, I was served free food again. I filled my plate with bbq meatballs and thanked the lord I had dinner. I attended numerous events for the campus newspaper, even going to things that didn’t particularly interest me for a free slice of pizza or a promise of a meal. I donated a knockoff brand of Louisiana rice and beans and tomato sauce I knew I wouldn’t eat for cups of chili in the university’s chili cook off. It was worth it. I stayed for a two hour panel event as a last minute decision in Ostrander auditorium as it reeked of BO. I left with a plate full of chicken wings. I went to sleep happy that night. I jumped at the opportunity for free food whenever I could, scared that I’d never have the chance for it again if I didn’t. At first I was hesitant to go to the campus cupboard as I didn’t know what to expect. I roped my friend to go with me, telling her she’d get free food if she went. When we went there, we were unexpectedly lured to the $1 lunches they had in the church. We didn’t have a dollar, but none-the-less were immediately handed plates of meatball sandwiches and chips. We even got brownie bites. I felt so relieved as all I had for lunch was two boiled eggs in my backpack.
After the amazing lunch we were directed to the campus cupboard. We were lucky as no one was there, and the paperwork was extremely simple. We got to go through the ideas as I picked up ingredients for spaghetti, several potatoes, rice, oil, flour, ramen, juice, cookies, onions, diced tomatoes, chili peppers in a can, and canned soup. My grocery trip ended weighing 25 pounds. I started to feel guilty and embarrassed as I didn’t want to appear greedy until I realized that going that day awarded me three different meals. Well… actually four. On my way out I grabbed a brown lunch sack from the fridge upstairs supplied by the campus kitchen. For dinner I opened the bag and was surprised at how much I got. I got half of a cinnamon roll, a cup of soup, chicken fettuccine alfredo, a baked potato, and cheddar biscuits. I began to feel encouraged, as I felt comfort that at least on Tuesday’s I’ll for sure have food. Before when I went grocery shopping I would often buy whatever I wanted from snack goods to various different meats to ingredients for foods. Typically, my grocery bill would average from $30-$50 a week as I also fed my girlfriend when she visited me during the weekends. I had to reduce this cost vastly as I am only allowed to spend $25 a week on food. Before we could even go to Walmart and buy food, we had to make a plan. We wrote a plan of what we’re going to eat on what days, as I thought to myself about what I could buy to sustain myself for the rest of the week. We had to write a detailed list, as I wrote projected costs next to each to make sure we could afford our list. At last, we were finally ready to go shopping. My girlfriend suggested we start in the back as the chips, snacks, pops, and reason for my belly were located near the back by the milk. With her strength I was able to pass the obesity aisles without jumping at a bag of Cheetos like a wild mammoth. Every time, I put an item in the cart I had to write down the price. We had to opt for everything off brand from the cereal to the meat and cheeses- everything had to be off brand. Honey nut bunches of oats? Nope! We can’t afford that luxury. Crunchy honey oats? Ohhhh yes, come to mama. After we collected everything we needed, we had to calculate everything in the cart, leaving about a dollar for tax. The first trip, I ended up spending $16.46. Walmart unfortunately did not sell eggs, forcing us to venture to Aldi's. However with leftover money, I was able to buy additional items. I spent about $8.53, spending $24.99 overall with a penny to spare. We were able to make chili pasta mac and bacon and egg sandwiches for the weekend. I was able to get chicken, cereal bars, milk, hotdogs, and frozen veggies to feed myself for the rest of the week. Although I saved money during this grocery trip, I definitely did not save time. We were in the grocery store for almost 45 minutes as we had to calculate and compare prices of items on the shelves to make sure we didn’t go over budget. We also had to add an extra 20 minutes of drive time and going to Aldi's. It took us almost our whole afternoon. This annoyed me, as I preferred when I didn’t have to worry about money when grocery shopping. I just bought what I wanted. However, I never realized how much money you can save if you go off brand. Great value bacon tastes pretty good. How much groceries I was able to buy for $25
Part of the experience of being on food stamps is the application process. I am not eligible for SNAP as you have to have a job where you work 20 hours a week in order to apply. However, I decided to go through the process anyways.
There are three ways that a person can sign up for SNAP- online, through a phone call, or in person. I searched online to see who to contact and was met with the number for the office. As a college student, and like people my age, I did not feel comfortable making a phone call so I searched for the online application. The online application link on the MN Department of Human Services was a four page informational packet, but the application was nowhere to be seen. I scoured the internet to look for an online application, but could not find any. I decided to go the in-person route and made a journey to the Blue Earth County Office. At first, upon arriving at the county office, I was unsure of where to go. The building was under construction, so I took my chances and followed the signs that led me to the human services office. When I entered the building I was completely overwhelmed. The person at the window in human services was on the phone, and the other worker besides her was helping another person. I stupidly waited and after ten minutes realized the table of information behind me. The SNAP application was hidden behind a slew of other applications and I had to sort through them before finding what I needed. The application consisted of nine full pages with questions evaluating living costs, information about people who live in your household, expenses, assets, etc. Along with the filled out application, you have to provide proof for eligibility. I had to provide proof that I owned a vehicle, I had to provide proof about my rent and utility bill, I had to provide proof about my income, I had to provide proof of my employment, and I had to provide proof that I was a citizen. Filling out the application and getting proof, took me over the span of the week as I was too busy to go find and print my proofs. My girlfriend, who actually applied for SNAP struggled to provide proof about her rent as she doesn’t get a normal paper bill for her rent as it automatically takes it out of her bank account. She had to rummage and search for her lease, which took a good day or two. It is not listed on the application that you have to provide proof that you are a student, but she got a phone call that she had to get proof and was sent an additional form to prove she was a student. She had to go to her financial aid office in her college and have them fax over her school information to the county office. Her roommate did not bring her mail to her, and she had less than three days to get this information from her school. She applied over a month ago, had one phone interview to determine her eligibility, had to get additional proof, and is now waiting to see if she is able to receive benefits. Filling out my own application and witnessing her do it, was an extreme headache, but it was something we had to do. My birthday was three days ago, and now it is the beginning of the SNAP challenge. I’ve decided not to go grocery shopping at all this week and see if I could live off of what I had leftover; a couple of eggs, a thing of bacon, cereal, ice cream cake, frozen fruit, milk, bananas, and bread. On the third day after eating ice cream cake for breakfast, I wanted to give up.
In the previous month, I spent $601.72 (about $150 a week) alone on food to now being reduced to $110 a month (about $25 a week). Usually, in between classes, studying, and work at the newspaper I would go to the university’s food court and buy myself something to eat. I did this almost every day. With this challenge, that is not a possibility as people who live off of SNAP and food benefits aren’t allowed to purchase hot and ready foods. No matter how badly I wanted some chicken tenders in that moment, I could not have them. I soon found out that time would also be an issue when it came to feeding myself, and not being able to purchase already made foods would be a struggle I would have this week. I sat hungry in class wondering if I would have time to eat as my singular boiled egg and two peanut butter sandwiches sat waiting in my backpack. I had a job to go do, editing and laying out the weekly newspaper, that took most of my time. I had better food at home, but I didn’t have time to get it. Instead, I had no choice but to eat my boiled egg and peanut butter sandwiches for the remainder of the day. When I got home, I was too tired to make anything as the thought of doing dishes was not a thing I wanted to do at 1 a.m. I would find myself doing this routine every day for the rest of the week. And when it came to the fourth day, I ran out of bread and eggs. If it wasn’t for friends and events at school, I don’t think I would’ve had food to eat for the remainder of this week. I have never been this excited before in my life to be able to go grocery shopping. However, I’m scared about how much food I can actually buy with $25. |
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