I know I've been MIA on this blog, but life has truly been a disaster for me since the start of this year. At the end of January I got into a car accident and my beloved Subaru Forester - who goes by Judy - has died. Without a car my life has been 10 times harder. I recently got a new job, but I've already found that it's been a struggle to balance work, life and school without Judy. The nearest bus stop to my house is a 20 minute walk. The nearest bus stop to my new job is also a 20 min walk. I feel like it's impossible to survive in Minnesota without a car. Although I'm spending less on not having to pay for gas, I feel as if my finances are in trouble since I'm not able to work as many hours my job requires as the bus stops running at certain times. I've paid almost $30 in Lyfts and Ubers in this past week alone. Money has been a big burden on my life, and without a car, I feel like it's harder to make money.
Since the accident, I went grocery shopping once. It was a terrible experience as I found carrying two bags on each arm and walking uphill to my home extremely straining on my body. I don't know when the next time I'll go grocery shopping as my school schedule, the bus schedule, and my work schedule do not align for me to make a trip to Walmart. For food, I've been relying on boxes of noodles I bought and that my parents gave me, products from the Campus Cupboard, and free food I've been getting from my workplace. I also found it difficult to get items from the university's Campus Cupboard. They've had good products over the last month such as milk, eggs, beef, cheese, yogurt, and other refrigerated items, but I couldn't get any of them. Without a fridge or a place to store them while I'm in classes or an opportunity to go home and put them away, I had no choice but to skip these items. Although I have access to this resource, I found that it wasn't worth going to some days as storing them and carrying them back home is difficult. In this month, I've tried to get help with my finances to improve my situation. My advisor from the Multicultural Center helped me sign up for the school's emergency grant program. At first I was super excited as I had a pretty good case. I'm not getting as much hours at my job, I lost my car, I meet the requirements for being in financial need, I'm graduating soon and not getting this grant could really impact my school work - I thought I was for sure going to get help. However, the emergency grant at MNSU looks at the expected family contribution on your FAFSA report. I wanted to curse and scream when I got an email denying my application because of my FAFSA. As a college student, I find it frustrating that most of my opportunities for getting financial assistance are limited because my mom makes too much money. I'm surviving out of the lint, mints and pennies out of my own two front pockets, and even though I plead with the head of the emergency grant program - it didn't matter. All I received was a polite "sorry" and links for getting private loans. After all of this happened, I decided to go to the counseling center. I left so disappointed and in an even worse mental condition as my appointment was taken up by the counselor giving me advice about filing my accident with the insurance company. I felt she only talked about herself as she told me story after story about car accidents she was in and how she dealt with it and to follow in her foot steps. Towards the end she suggested I had all the "tools" I needed to get through my situation and to make an appointment later if I still felt the way I did. To me it felt almost as if my feelings were dismissed and as though my issues weren't important enough for the counseling center to deal with. I haven't gone back, and I don't think I ever will. Throughout this month, I've been so discouraged every day. I feel like my mental health has gone downhill. I put myself in a position where this is no longer a challenge, this is my life. I am food insecure. I keep thinking about this interview I had for one of my articles for food insecurity. I keep thinking about what she said about how you never think you're going to be food insecure, but you fall into it so fast, way faster than you realize. I liked how she said, "You go in saying, I'm going to be just fine, and lo and behold, two weeks laster, you don't have anything to eat." I relate to this statement so hard, as in the span of a month and half, I found myself to be in that exact position. Last semester I used to think the university was amazing, I found the resources comforting. The thought of having them when I needed them brought me peace of mind. But now that I'm in the position where I desperately need them, I realized they are not as great as they sound on paper. I feel like the university is failing me.
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