Coming home from the holidays brings a lot of criticism from uncles, aunts, grandparents, and most importantly parents. What the hell is a mass media major? You're doing what challenge?! Why? Do you have a boyfriend? And the one critique and question I always get is, "What have you been eating? You look bigger."
Usually, to combat fat shaming, I always wear all black from head to toe to mask any of my chub that could potentially come to the scrutiny of my Asian family. Last time I went with this all black look, I was greeted by my aunties with a hug and a "Wow, you look skinnier!". I was met with a concerned dad who asked me what I've been eating, and here's 20 bucks. Now that concern is not "Aww poor thing, you look malnourished, what have you been eating?" it's more like "What have you been eating?! You look 30 pounds bigger from the last time I've seen you!" The last time I've seen my extended family was in the summer. Looking in the mirror I don't think I've changed. Usually, because of insecurities growing up and being told I need to be skinny, I avoided the scale at all times possible. The last time I weighed myself was last spring for an exercise class. For the purpose of this challenge, I sucked up the courage, went to my grandma's bathroom and weighed myself on her scale that looked like it came out of WW11. I gained 10 pounds. This was shocking, but at the same time I was not surprised. Looking at my past food habits, and lack of exercise minus the aerobics conditioning class, gaining weight is inevitable. With the only healthy thing I've been eating being bananas and frozen broccoli, of course I've gotten a few more chub rolls. Since starting this challenge, I've noticed that I get tired more easily. I subconsciously take the elevator instead of the stairs because I get so short of breath. I'd rather take the shuttle than walk 10 minutes to the free parking lot. I've also noticed that because of my diet on this challenge, my back has begun hurting more. I feel sluggish and just want to lay in bed all day. I get headaches when I lay down too long. I've been more constipated and frequently get stomach cramps. When I have a chance to eat a lot, I take it. My body is constantly on a binging cycle, where I go periods where I don't eat much of anything, and periods where I eat everything. I know that simple changes can be made such as less processed foods and more fruits and vegetables, but with this budget that seems impossible. I'd rather buy $2 pizzas and a family size pack of hotdogs that could last me 4 meals, rather than expensive salad ingredients that could last me two meals and still leave me hungry. I plan to visit the university's dietician this winter break, hopefully we find a solution. For now all I can do is rock my chubby body.... and exercise... yeah, I should exercise.
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